


Death Will Not Do Us Part

by cardinalwrites



Category: SPN, Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Fluff, M/M, Suicide mention, much needed conversations that need to have happened, spn coda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2019-02-03 11:49:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12747723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cardinalwrites/pseuds/cardinalwrites
Summary: Sam catches Cas up on all that has happened since he was gone, including Dean's state of mind.





	Death Will Not Do Us Part

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Français available: [He was lost](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12787275) by [cardinalwrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cardinalwrites/pseuds/cardinalwrites), [NaitiaClo960](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaitiaClo960/pseuds/NaitiaClo960)



“He was lost, Cas. Our last hunt, he almost didn’t make it back and said he saw Billie.”

“He saw Billie?” Castiel parroted. They were both still in the war room in the bunker, the aftermath of recent events still fresh and new in their minds as Sam recounted what happened while Castiel had been “away.” 

“Yeah, and it wasn’t great.” Sam bit his lip. “Cas, When Mom disappeared...when you died. I think it broke him to a point where he couldn’t come back from it and deal with his grief. More than one night he’s had nightmares where I’d have to get him out and it’s always your name that’d he’d scream.”

“Grief is a complex emotion that is difficult to understand. The both of you have suffered with it greatly, but I have passed before.” Castiel paused, cognizant the statement should make no sense to anyone else except for the three of them. “He had been in grief then but had managed to find a way out. What made this time different?”

“I saw your wings, Cas.” A voice interrupted them from the threshold of the war room.

It clicked in Castiel’s head then. Understandable. "Dean.”

Dean walked up to where the two were sitting. “Thanks for giving him the cliffnotes, Sam,” Dean didn’t sound thankful at all.

“He needed to know.”

“No, he didn’t. He didn’t need to know any of that. I’m fine.”

“It didn’t sound like you were,” Castiel pointed.

Dean only looked at the angel, his jaw clenched as he thought his words. “Sam, I need to talk to Cas alone.”

“What? Are you su––”

“Alone, tattletale. Gimme that at least,” There was only a little bite to his words, but nevertheless Dean’s tone was serious. If he were not in a room with the very people that knew him the most, he could just be perceived as angry. But to Sam and Cas, they knew Dean was on the verge of breaking. 

Sam stopped upon seeing Dean’s eyes. “I’ll go see if I can find Jack,” he moved to get up and leave, taking his computer with him. It was only once Sam had cleared the room that Dean sighed and sat down opposite Castiel.

“Okay, so we’re having this conversation,” Dean stated. “Whether I want to or not.”

“Yes, we are,” Castiel surmised.

Dean sighed. “He told you about the nightmares too then, huh?”

“Among other occurrences, like a notice that the amount of alcohol that has been imbibed had spiked considerably and that you told him you didn’t wish to keep fighting.” Castiel squared his shoulder and bent down to meet Dean’s gaze from where he slouched in his chair. “Dean... talk to me, please.”

“Yeah, we seem to be doing a lot of that lately, huh,” Dean whispered. “I...” He sighed. “I saw your wings. Just flat out on the ground connected to your body,” he waved his hand in front of him to emphasize. “I... I had to carry your body inside. I had to bind your body to burn it.” His voice began to waver as he averted his gaze.

Castiel moved closer, sensing Dean needed the proximity. Any other time, Dean would have brushed it off, his normal self citing any reason imaginable. It appears Castiel’s return did more than expected. 

“You thought it was the true end, that I was not returning in any way.”

The hunter looked up at Castiel’s words, his green eyes brimming with unshed tears. “I... I’d been screwing up the whole time you were gone. There was this kid that died because I wasn’t paying enough attention and-and there was this shapeshifter that took the shape of the dead as a grief counselor that got me to go off on Sam. And Jack,” Dean’s breath hitched. “God, I was being a dick to Jack because I thought he’d killed you.”

Each confession didn’t seem to help Dean, rather they only seemed to make him realize how bad things had gotten. Castiel moved to place a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “You put a tremendous amount of weight on your shoulders with all of that hate...”

“I wanted to die.”

The words stopped him. “What do you mean.”

“I mean, when I saw Billie, I was basically dead and I could’ve stayed that way.” Dean clasped his hands. “I could’ve and the case would’ve been fine and I would’ve gotten a--” Dean paused, his eyes looking up to meet Castiel’s once more, speechless.

“... You wanted a win.” Castiel finished for him. Dean’s silence was all the admission he needed. “Oh Dean...” Castiel squeezed his shoulder. “You put such a burden on yourself.”

“Yeah, well, thanks for that, Captain Obvious.” Dean sniffed. “Could you blame me?”

“I’m not trying to blame you. I’m trying to do the opposite of blaming you, and you should not blame yourself.” Castiel urged Dean to move forward. Dean did so willingly. “Do you still feel that way?”

“No,” Dean didn’t hesitate. “No, I don’t.” His eyes visibly brightened at the admission. Castiel only mirrored the hope that had returned.

“Good.” Castiel moved to rest a finger on Dean’s forehead. “I once was able to do many things, but you were always the most complex, the most intricate, and the most beautiful puzzle I ever had to figure out in both body,” he moved his finger to Dean’s chest, “and soul. But I wish I could have been there for you when you were at your lowest point to make you see what I see about you.” He rested his hand there, a constant to ground Dean, who had started to tremble.

Dean only looked at Castiel’s hand before his own hand moved to meet it in the middle, fingers intertwining with each other hesitantly until they held firm. “I wish I never have to see you die. Every again. I don’t think I can take that.”

Castiel only held Dean’s gaze and nodded, a deeper connection surfacing after years of hiding underground. He moved to pull Dean closer until their foreheads touched and closed his eyes. “Dean Winchester, I will do everything in my power for you to never see what you saw again, just as I know you will do the same for me in return. I will continue to watch your favorite movies and you will continue to placate my muses about Earth. I will try to wake you up in a timely manner just as you wake up to make coffee in the morning. I will continue to watch over you just as you have watched out for me. I will put up with your taste in music just as you will put up with my taste in television shows. I will continue fighting by your side until you have retired, and even then when your time comes I will take you to Heaven and continue to do all of it again for an eternity.” He breathed the air between them, letting the words carry their weight. “Death will not do us part.”

Dean didn’t respond at first, but Castiel could hear his small chuckles sniffs as the worse of the trembling subsided the more Castiel recited his vows. Silence filled the room, but it spoke volumes.

“Death will not...” Dean repeated the words. Castiel felt Dean’s nose collide with his.

“... do us part,” Castiel finished as he angled their faces more so that their lips could finally meet.

Later they could find a tangible way to cement the words they said, but for now, their win was each other and it was all they needed to know it was real.

 

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi on [tumblr!](http://www.cardinalwrites.tumblr.com)


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